the things I hate right now

I hate that she seems so frail … when I look at her I can see the weakness and not the strength.

I hate that she seems so old … when I’m with her all I notice are the signs of the passage of time.

I hate how she makes me feel … impatient, exasperated, guilty, and tired.

I hate that all her requests are emergencies … there’s never any planning, everything is due now.

I hate how I always end up saying “yes” … I’m tired of asking her to think ahead, make lists, consider my time so I just do what she wants.

I hate knowing that I should be better … and knowing that I’m stuck in this gear.

I hate her … I hate myself.