being an adult

I turn 30 later this month.

I wonder if I can stop it. It’s not that I don’t want to get older, it just seems like such a lie, being 30 and still not feeling like a grown up.

My married sister is a better adult than I am. Maybe we can switch ages. She’ll be 30 and I can turn 28 on my next birthday. Yeah, that’s it. That’s what we’ll do.

I will not be depressed on my birthday.
I will not be depressed by my birthday.
I will not overreact to my birthday.
{{repeating like a chant, eyes closed, voice low, hands palm to palm in front of me, rocking back and forth slightly}}
I will behave myself in a dignified and adult fashion.
I will be a grown up. I will pretend to be the well-behaved, thoughtful, responsible woman my mother tried to raise until even I believe it.
{{overly bright, very fake smile}}
I am okay with this.
I will be okay with this.
I will be fine.
{{deep breath, brighter smile}}

OK. Everything’s fine.

Author: Paloma Cruz

Find out more about Paloma Cruz through the About page. Connect with her on Twitter ( and (Facebook).

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